Wednesday, June 16, 2010

2 weeks, 8 weeks, 20 years later: a reflectiton

Two weeks ago I said goodbye to my first class, my first group of students that were mine for the whole year. It was sad to see many of my students go. Some went on to other schools, and I had the burden of knowing I may not see them again. With all of my students, I carry the hope that I made the impact that God wanted me to make in their lives. It was bittersweet as I packed up my room, as I realized that I had finished well, in spite of many obstacles, in spite of feeling like I was flying blind more than once, I had finished. In this year I learned how better to do just about everything about teaching. How to better work with (and deal with) parents, how to better encourage and discipline students, how to better see them as the precious individuals God created them to be rather than just the kid who was making me feel like a crazy person at that moment. Two weeks ago I packed up my classroom, knowing that by God's grace I had done a good job this year, that I will do a much better job next year.

Eight weeks ago I had my TIA. I am feeling pretty much like myself now, most of my energy is back, and I have had no problems at all since my last entry. When my friend, Dana, checks in with me, she always asks me how my brain is today. Thankfully, it seems that my brain and I are getting along quite well. I praise God that He has given me so much healing and peace, and pray that if it is His will, I will have no further recurrences. Ever.

Twenty years ago I walked down an aisle in a small-town church to say "I do" to my high school sweetheart. I remember how it felt then, both of us fresh out of college with James gearing up for law school that fall, full of expectations and dreams, knowing the world was wide open to us and nothing was impossible. I can honestly say that we are not at all where I thought we would be 20 years later, but exactly where I want to be. I thought I'd be married to a lawyer, be home full-time forever, getting my nails done and volunteering for charities, a woman about town, well known in Sacramento. I am instead married to a computer systems engineer/architect, I am a contented teacher ministering at a private school, and it doesn't really matter to me who knows my name or that I get a manicure maybe twice a year. I couldn't be happier. I look at my wonderful husband and know without a doubt that he is the perfect man for me in every way. I still have the adoration and desire for him that I had 20 years ago, but my love and respect for him has grown so much over this time as I've watched him become an amazing father, watched how he has ministered to so many in selfless ways, watched him take the high road over and over when he could've made other choices, and experienced with him all the highs and lows of our wonderful life together. And he makes me laugh like no other.

Reflection is good. It helps us remember where we've been and how much we are blessed, even in the challenges. I highly recommend it.

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